Erinle On Interracial Dating

The debate on interracial dating is one that is never ending. Everyone has their opinion. Is it right? Is it wrong? Just what should children of Orisa think of such relationships? Whether one makes the conscious choice to develop relationships outside his or her racial profile is a very personal choice that should be made with extreme diligence and scrutiny. The choice to participate in interracial dating is not a choice that should go without very thoughtful examination. Unfortunately, more often than not, people enter into the extra racial arrangement without much thought at all.

Choosing someone to be a mate can be “the” most significant event in ones life. Supposedly, this is the one person who is going to be your lover, partner, friend, co-pilot, and co-worker through the rest of your lives. It is important that people realize that you will undoubtedly need to be able to be fully supported by this person as well as be able to reciprocate and give support fully to this person. This is why the choice for a partner becomes so muddled when speaking in terms of interracial love. How can you be supported or supportive when things such as racism and the historical pain inflicted by one race upon another starts to permeate into your relationship? How can you expect to fully engage into this ultimate partnership when there is always the underlying racial superiority and inferiority complexes that unfortunately are ingrained in all humans black, white, brown, or whatever the case may be?

The problem with partnering outside ones race is that no matter what is said or done, neither person can relate fully to the experiences of the other. People constantly invoke words of consideration that if they truly love one another they will inevitably withstand any of the pressures of the world. But is this truly the case? For example: How can a man come home to his woman and explain the pain that was inflicted upon him by people of her race and expect that she will truthfully do her best to comprehend the experience from her man’s perspective. She can be empathetic or sympathetic but the experience is his alone, she can not fully share or appreciate. This is not to say that just because someone who should be able to share your experiences that it automatically makes them a better choice. But, it should make the choice an easier one. You can put this scenario on either side of the gender or racial coin and the application will be the same. Not only are the chances greater that someone of another race may not fully understand our experiences, but it stands to good reason that it would also cause some irritation, especially if it is race related.

Finding a mate should be based on more practical considerations than the color of one’s skin. But unfortunately, most people who make the choice to develop an interracial relationship were considering only one factor and that is the skin color of their potential mate while the character of the person would be their last consideration. Why is this taking place? Simply put, in most cases someone is trying to escape the pain, monotony, and/or fear that is associated with their own race. Most people will deny this of course. But when searching for a mate, would not the best place to find one be among people who are familiar with family or close friends of the family?

It is understood that with this integrated society, races are mixed up and almost everything is made convoluted and much more complex than necessary. But with few exceptions, your family is still pretty much the same race as yourself. Not so in all cases; adoption would be one such exclusion. But people should always remember that before the pressures and influences of the world enter into the picture, a child always has an affinity for things like themselves. Over the years other people will do and say many things that will eventually change the perspective of the child. Such a condition will lead to people searching for relationships outside of their natural attraction. I refer to this as searching for love abroad.