Finding Mr. and Ms. Right

Finding Mr. or Mrs. Right, is it possible? How do we know if soul mates exist; if they do are they preordained or self made? These are questions that have plagued people for as long as couples have existed. It is inevitable that one starts to reflect on relationships as they become older and wiser, hoping for the one that they will grow old with. It’s a fact that no one relishes the thought of becoming that lonely old person who is bitter about life due to the reality of having no love to share.

The human animal was made to couple; if you care to look or think about it; people are consumed with finding a mate as soon as puberty sets in. I can say that the idea of soul mates does exist.

What is a Soul Mate? Finding someone that you can talk about anything and everything with, the conversations just never have an ending they blend into other conversations. You have so much in common that you could swear that this person might be an opposite sex mirror image. You sit in silence with this person and things are as comfortable as if you were engaged in conversation.

Love at first sight which can happen but is rare and does not make soul mates. Love is not blind but love is also not so shallow that it has to hinge on sight alone. Soul mates are preordained and self made. Preordained soul mates are created when they have a symbiotic path and have goals to complete as a couple. Most couples create soul mates for themselves, by creating a relationship that serves both persons needs and expectations. Which brings us to just how one knows when that one in a gazillion has crossed our love starved path. First of all we must be centered enough to know ourselves and what it is that we are looking for in the opposite/same sex (yes, people of same sex relations have the same issues). I don’t mean brown eyes, long/short hair etc. etc. I mean do we share similar interests, upbringing, likes, dislikes. These are the true assessments as to whether one will be able to stand the test of time. Let’s look at how one goes about getting to this one in a gazillion. To start with we all have to learn what we are looking for so let’s look at relationships (just remember that you have to throw in a test line before you know if the fish are biting).

Opposites: Finding that you are madly in love with someone who has little in common with you is a frequent occurrence. Think closely on opposite attraction relationships, what is it that is going to be the glue to make it long lasting? You have separate interest, which means that you really have separate lives plus a life together. This is a recipe for disaster in the long run as you have too many lives competing with one another for attention. After the novelty of this hot fiery, passionate attraction wanes what is it that you have to look forward to? You end up with two people who might live together and that is about it. Hi and bye become the only conversation in the home. Since you have nothing to share between you what is that keeps each others eyes from wandering to that new flame, nothing.

One sided: Falling head over heals for someone who does not have the same intentions about you. This is a disaster from the word go. You lavish all your love and energy on a person who at best isn’t using you but just likes your adoration. This relationship usually ends up in pain and humiliation, which inevitably leads to retaliation. We can see what this relationship has to offer, nothing as well. The one thing about this situation is to be careful about how far or deep you are willing to travel. Becoming intimate or giving money will only exacerbate the problems in this horrible nightmare.

Fatal attraction: You’re in love and so is he/she but then they become so obsessed with controlling things they may become abusive and that will inevitably drive you away (hopefully). This relationship is a direct cause of going too far in another of the failed relationships one too many times. When a person has been on the used and abused side too often they tend to find they need to control and protect themselves via becoming overzealous with insecurities. We are all insecure from time to time but this person’s insecurity is overkill. Your best advice is nipping this in the bud as soon as it becomes apparent. Do not waste time thinking about how great they were in the beginning and that you can help them go back to that person. You can’t and the longer you stay the worse it will be.

Unfaithful: When I talk about unfaithful, I don’t mean the one time “it was an accident” type. I mean the chronic cheater, a person who is always cheating or in the process of trying to cheat. This person is afraid of committing and should not be looked at as a possible long term mate. This person is self centered and is never concerned with your heart. You can’t change them nor should you try and live with this type of behavior. As good as this person may seem to treat you or as sweet as the words are you should not be swayed into this type of relationship. What could this type of relationship have to offer, nothing of course. Definitely end this relationship as soon as the first two infidelities. The longer you stay here the lower your self worth and happiness.

Nightmare: The nightmare is a relationship that starts out beautifully. You both might seem to have things in common, but it all goes south one day. This is the relationship that goes bad and for no rhyme or reason. That is to say this relationship is just not for either of you.

All dead end relationships will inevitably have one or more of these components in various degrees. They can feel so right in the beginning but if they don’t stay that way for any consistent amount of time you can pretty much add it up to experience. Now let’s take a look at what you should be looking for in the relationship that you would like with your soul mate.

In order to find your correct soul mate you need to follow a few rules.

Open: You need to be open and honest about what it is that you want and expect from this person. Share and allow them to share with you.

Acceptance: Being accepting of the other person and all their flaws. No one is perfect and neither are you, so it is important to be tolerant of their faults and vice versa.

Trust: Be willing to give your full trust to this person, as a relationship is only as strong as its trust value. If you can’t trust the person the relationship is doomed to fail. If you have trust issues having your soul mate will help you overcome this problem, as you should feel compelled to trust this individual.

Love: Must be willing to love unconditionally. Most relationships are built with conditions; I will love you if… Or I love you but… You have to feel that you can give your love without exception. If you don’t feel this way then you are probably not dealing with your soul mate.

Sex: Don’t believe the hype; size, length of time does not matter (sorry Viagra). What does matter is that this sex fulfills everything for both of you. If you are left wanting then talk it over with your partner. They should be willing to listen and help work through any problems. Sex is not a make or break for any relationship, as some of the worst relationships can produce some of the best sex, that doesn’t mean this person is your soul mate. As long as you are both willing to work together to get to the good stuff; shows that you have trust and acceptance.

Disagreement: You should be able to disagree and move on. This should not be a point of contention for the two of you. If you can’t disagree with this person and still be on good terms, you might want to work harder on your relationship or this might not be the one.

Common interest: You should have enough in common that you always have things to do or talk about with each other. You should have one life not separate lives. This is important as you will spend the majority of your time with this person, it should be enjoyable.

These are just a few of the important things that you should be looking for when trying to ascertain if this person is your soul mate. Being in any relationship is hard work even with your soul mate. Nothing is easy and that is a fallacy that many people have, that you will find your soul mate then you can stop working at relationships because this one will be so natural everything will fall in place. This is not true, ALL relationships need work even the best soul mate coupling needs work. Don’t think that just because your relationship is great that you don’t need to talk out things with a second party like a counselor or someone else. Continuously working hard to make the relationship good is what keeps it good. If you have problems with your relationship just ask Erinle.